


The Start of the Lie

by hysteria



Series: One Slip of the Knife [2]
Category: Whitechapel (TV)
Genre: Angst, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Self Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hysteria/pseuds/hysteria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kent faces work the day after he begins to lose control, but him losing control is his way of gaining control.</p>
<p>[Warning - Contains self harm and other triggers]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Start of the Lie

Kent just sits there, watching as the blood flows down and off his thigh onto the bed sheets creating a small pool of blood. He does nothing to stop it bleeding, letting the pain he’s been keeping in for 3 months escape with the pain and blood. He slowly looks down at the knife in his hand, the alcohol still pulsing through his bloodstream thinks for him and before he can stop himself he’s lifting it to make another cut across his thigh. This time it’s not as deep as the first, the accidental cut, the slip of the knife, but it’s still enough for Kent to get his release of pain.

Emerson is still sat staring at the cuts, the way the blood makes a trail down his thigh onto the bed sheets, revelling in the relief it gives him, the way it makes all his bad thoughts disappear. The sudden flash of lightning and the harsh cracking of thunder disrupt his momentary lapse is spatial awareness. Kent blinks furiously before realising what has happened to him, what he has done to himself, then stumbles out of bed into the bathroom where he uses a flannel to clean the cuts before he places Savlon on them. He limps onto the toilet seat where he uses the bandage from his first aid kit to wrap around his leg, securing it with microporous tape.

Limping back to bed Kent decides to finally go to sleep before his drunken mind makes him do anything else irrational, such as phone Riley to tell her what he’s just done, or beg Chandler to forgive him. Moving the cheeseboard off the bed – the bloodied knife now in the bathroom sink - Kent removes the blood and coffee stained sheets, then collapses into bed making sure not to cause any more damage to his leg or move the bandage. He drifts almost instantly into a dreamless sleep, the comforting way in which the pain in his leg makes him feel is the last thing to go through his mind.

Kent wakes at 7am when his alarm clock beeps, feeling surprisingly fine considering the amount of alcohol he had to drink last night. He almost forgets the cuts on his thigh until he attempts to get out of bed, the movement making the cuts reopen shooting pain throughout Kent’s body. It doesn’t give him the same relief as the cutting did, but the pain makes him forget the dream he’d just woken from. It was about Chandler again, the majority of his dreams lately consisted of Chandler, but there was the occasional nightmare which featured Morgan and the vivid images of the shard of glass protruding from her chest.

Limping back into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet once again, he undresses the bandage to reveal the cuts on his thigh underneath. The accidental cut is the one that’s opened again and although his cut still has blood around it, it has stayed closed. Kent takes his shirt off that he never took off before bed and throws it into the wash basket, there are splatters of coffee and blood staining it. “I’ll have to soak that before I can wear it again” he muses to himself.

He slowly stands and leans over to turn the shower on. After removing his boxer shorts he gently steps into the shower cubical, careful not to do too much more damage to the wound. The initial touch of water on his thigh is painful yet bearable, allowing him to gently clean it with a flannel before washing himself. Once dried from his shower, he makes sure double up on the Savlon and bandages - making a mental note to buy some more from Tesco on the way home - to stop himself hurting it further at work, silently hoping that there would be no running around chasing some murderer through Whitechapel.

It’s already half eight by the time he’s limped himself dressed, to the kitchen for breakfast and down the stairs to his parked Vespa. As he’s driving to work he thinks of a way to cover up his limp and as he pulls up into the car park he settles for telling the team that he thinks he fell over a curb, “Simple enough excuse, yet believable” Kent says to himself as calls for the lift up to the floor his department is on.

He knew it was coming but Riley near on carrying him to his desk was a little over the top, but Miles and Mansell on the other hand were crying laughing at the lie Kent had told them about his injury. They all seemed reasonably fresh and sober as well Kent noticed, thinking maybe it was a much needed drinking session. Kent felt decidedly happier as the day progressed, but when Kent got up for lunch, Chandler didn’t look in the least bit interested in his injury or how he got it when they caught one another’s eyes as he passed Riley and Kent as she was helping him down to the canteen. 

Kent looked down as he limped with Riley. Somewhere inside him hurt, not a physical pain, but a deep emotional pain. One he hadn’t felt before in his life. Even when Chandler had first started working with the team and Kent had felt his heart quicken, his breath hitch, his heart aching for his love to be reciprocated. Three years had passed and Kent never acted on his feelings, always allowing Chandler to make the first move to see if he felt the same way. 

But since Miles introduced Lizzie to Chandler, he noticed the DI was starting to take less and less interest in him. It wasn’t until DI Norroy and Morgan showed up that his feelings for his boss started to change from respect to jealousy. He couldn’t control it. Then during one difficult and long shift he lost the ability to think straight when confronting Chandler about Morgan, they had argued and he nearly admitted his feelings to him. But since the death of Morgan, Kent knew nothing could ever happen now, but he couldn’t get rid of the feelings he had developed for his DI. He doubted they would ever subside, which made his current situation even more unbearable.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback on this would be great please.  
> I was a little concerned about writing this because of its nature, but I hope you're 'enjoying' it so far.


End file.
